Author Archives: Kevin

Encouragement

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One of the best gifts we can give to our children does not come wrapped with a bow on it. This gift is not something which is only given on special occasions. You don’t even have to spend a lot of money on it. And unlike so many other gifts, it will not be put away in a closet once the novelty is worn off. It cannot be broken, get rusty, or grow mold. It needs no batteries. I speak of the gift of encouragement.images

The word encouragement literally means to put courage into, to inspire with courage, and to foster confidence. As parents, simply by virtue of the kind of relationship we have with our children, we have access to the means of building strength into our sons and daughters to face difficulties and challenges. We wield a tool which can make them stand tall when others around them are sitting, an instrument which will stimulate them to overcome fears and opposition, and provide leadership to others around them.

Unfortunately, many of us have never discovered the power of encouragement. We tend to point out our children’s faults, and remind them of their failures. We do not interact with them up front, or mid-stream, but rather only at the conclusion of their efforts and projects, and then our criticism rains down like hail upon their vulnerable spirits. The wise parent recognizes that words of praise and support along the way are like the people who line the streets during a marathon, cheering for the runners and providing them with water throughout the race. Too many of us only wait at the finish line looking at our watches, unaware of the fact that we were needed along the way. When they don’t live up to expectations, or give up along the way, our disappointment reads like a neon sign saying “it’s not worth the effort, you are a failure.”

 

I once heard an Olympic sprinter say that he was shocked when kneeling for the finals of his race the thought which was going through his mind just before takeoff was whether or not his father was watching. Our children need our encouragement. Our encouragement emboldens them to face life’s challenges, big and small. Start today. Let your children know that you are their biggest and best supporter. Your gift will be one that will never break or rust, and will never, ever be forgotten.

Traditions

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The Wealth of Traditions

“A good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children.” PR 13:22

We live in such a materialistic world that people confuse valuables for what is valuable. The things that I lay up for my children when I am gone are enshrined in a will. But the riches which are matters of the mind and heart can only be passed on while I am alive. These are the things which truly remain.

My penchant for traditions arises from an important discovery: the values upon which healthy families are built are promoted or maintained by most of the older stories, movies, and memories of yesteryear. Since I am singularly committed to establishing the strongest possible foundation for my family, injecting every means at my disposal which lends itself to success, why would I wink at this verdant provision? Why would I subject my children to the unbridled screening of infidelity when I want to breed faithfulness. Why expose them to promiscuity, violence, foul language, or acrid humor when my vision for them is that they might be honorable, peace-loving, and an encouragement to the people who are around them? The media which bombards them every day taps the sensational because it sells. I would rather risk being called old-fashioned and watch a Shirley Temple movie. You may think it will never work, but it has for me. Laurel and Hardy may have been immortalized long ago; but they are still very much alive in our household, at my sons’ and daughters’ behest.

So how does a family draw from the wealth of this “account”? Here are a few suggestions:

· Speak of some of your own positive and beneficial take-aways from the past. This can be personal, or those of your parents, ancestors, nation, etc.

· Allow grandparents or family members from the older generation to mix with your children, and create the context whereby some of the great stories can be passed down.

· Intersperse your movie selections with some of the classics (e.g. Wizard of Oz, Mary Poppins, etc.)

· Do the same with some old TV series. “I Love Lucy” is sure to be a winner!

· Reading a book or series like ‘The Little House on the Prairie” worked very well for us. This or another similar book which chronicles wholesome family values would be a great place to start.

· Visit some awesome museums together. Then spend some time talking about it together. Antique stores are also a rich source for stirring the imaginations of your children.

· Work on some projects together that helps to link them with their past…such as constructing the family tree, or organizing and storing old photographs, or making a scrapbook.

· Organize a family reunion, or take advantage of an existing holiday or festival during which extended family will be present, and plan events which are fun and commemorate some of the ancient treasures which are uniquely a part of your families’ identity.

Love Is A Choice

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Love is a Choice

“Moses…refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, choosing rather to suffer” Heb 11:24-25

Love involves choices. Hard choices. It involves forgiving when you know someone doesn’t deserve it. It involves giving, even when it hurts. It involves huge commitments of time, resources, and energy. It involves laying aside your security; at times, it requires us to lay down our reputations. Love speaks the hard and unpopular things: bringing correction, issuing warnings, even rebuking. Jesus said, “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten” (Rev 3:19).

Moses’ choice to identify with and help his people cost him everything. All of history is deeply indebted to Moses not just because he performed great and miraculous deeds, but because he did them from a pure, unadulterated motivation of love.

In the last days, Jesus warned us that our ability to love would be severely tested. Matthew 24:12 says that this happens as a result of an increase of wickedness in the earth that, if we do not guard our hearts diligently, makes us numb to evil. The heart of man is being pushed to the edge. It will either become hard and cold, or it will, by grace, stay hot and soft.

An incident took place in China in 2011 which highlights the depths of apathy to which man has succumbed in our day. A two-year old girl named “Little Yue Yue” wandered out of a store where her mother was shopping and was subsequently run over by two vehicles. As she lay dying on the street, CCV cameras recorded no less that 18 people over the next 7-8 minutes who skirted around her body, ignoring her as she lay there bleeding to death. The rise of ISIS in recent times, with their public beheadings, even burning people alive in cages, has made the barbarous commonplace. We have become desensitized…or have we?

Many have, and more will. But it need not be our destiny. As the time of His appearing nears, we will all be tested in our love. Now, scriptures like “pray for those who persecute you” or “love your enemies”, sound more like catchy religious sayings than they do practical instructions. That is changing. Your love is being tested now in order that it might come forth as gold during the darker times which are coming.

And so it becomes absolutely necessary for Christians to guard our hearts, and make choices for and not against love. Our Sunday school definitions will not work for us when the floodgates of wickedness are opened wide. We need to grasp the height, depth, midst, and breadth of the love of God, and choose the way of love even though everything in us may press us away from such a difficult path.

Understand that Moses was brought up in Pharaoh’s palace, with every comfort, every privilege, and every type of pleasure available at the snap of his fingers. The fact that he ventured out among the Israel slaves was unexplainable, completely out of the ordinary. And yet when he saw how they were oppressed and afflicted (“Moses…looked at their burdens”, v.2:11), he chose to do something about it rather than to retreat back to the comfort of his palace. Ex 2:11 says “Moses…went out to his brethren.” Beloved, once Moses saw them as brethren, not Hebrews, not slaves, not oppressed people, he was positioning himself to take action. We will never do with our hands more than we see with our eyes. In order to love as we are called to love, we are going to need to ask God’s help to open up our eyes.

Once our eyes are open, we still have to made right choices. It is very, very risky, so we have to be prepared. When we see crowds, we see inconvenience. When Jesus saw them, he saw a people harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. When he saw the sick, or those oppressed by the Devil, something moved at the very core of his being to bring healing and deliverance. The Bible never used the word sympathy as a description of an emotion of our Lord. Compassion feels not only FOR someone, it feels WITH and AS another.

That is why Moses “went out the second day” (Ex 2:13). He was no longer controlled by “wisdom”. It no longer mattered what others might say or do. The thought was no longer “what about tomorrow?” If Jesus had chosen to go into town to get some food after the long journey, or even to quietly rest by the well until they returned, no one would have given it a second thought. But Jesus, despite being “wearied from His journey”, had compassion on this pitiful woman who had one broken relationship after another. Paul later explained why Moses, or Jesus, or Mother Teresa, or Heidi Baker, acted in these radical ways. He wrote: “for the love of Christ compels us” (2 Cor 5:14). One who is under compulsion acts spontaneously and instinctively. There is an inner urge, a push, a lift.

We live in treacherous and shallow times. Friendship are casual to the point of being virtual. Commitments are made and broken willy-nilly. We love a sport’s team, a certain flavor of ice cream, and we love our mother and our spouse. If we look around us for a definition of love, we see a boat without a sail, a rudder, or an anchor. People are confused, and in that state of mind, in the face of unprecedented evil, Christians are being challenged to a higher place. Our hearts are being tested. Will we be made bitter, or better as evil increases? Will we retreat to our palaces as oppression and death abound around us? A standard is being raised throughout the earth for believers to be motivated by compassion, to see people as our brothers and sisters, to stir up the fire of God’s love in our hearts for the lost and the broken.

Excuse the cliches, but love is not sloppy agape. It is not passionate kisses, and it is not a dozen roses. Love is much more than a feeling. It sacrifices, it risks. It may involve words, but it must involve actions. The hearts of men will grow cold in our time. Our capacity to love will be stretched to the breaking point, when we will find no other way but to cry out to God for His love to take over and compel us from the inside. Persecutions will increase, and our enemies will begin to come out from among the shadows. Moses refused the label he had been given as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. He chose the way of love. My love, your love is being tested in this hour. Choose love. Amen.

Combatting Teenage Rebellion

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How do parents keep their children from becoming victims of rebellion during those volatile teenage years? The most important thing to bear in mind is that the seeds of rebellion are sown while they are growing through the formative years leading up to their teens. When children realize that there are consequences for wrong behavior at every stage of growth, for instance, they will be more likely to consider repercussions of their actions when they become teenagers. While there is no formula, here are a few suggestions:

Always communicate unconditional acceptance of your children. Affirm them often, so that when conflicts arise as they mature, they will still move towards you and not away from you.
Be consistent and wise in disciplining your children. Follow through. When you say there will be a punishment, keep your word. Children who experience boundaries as real also come to understand there is wisdom and benefits to them.
Gradually grant them the independence they desire at the age appropriate time. This is a skill. To hold the reins too tight for too long can embitter a child. To hold the reins too loose, and to release them too early can set them up for failure and breed insecurity and mistrust.
Communicate, communicate, communicate. At every stage communication is key. As they mature, communication is paramount. The child who feels like his parents hear and understand him will not wander far down the road of rebellion. Learn to listen.
Have and communicate a plan, then do it.  Achieving the goals of the plan are never automatic. Acceptance is unconditional. Rewards are not. They are a result of well thought up plans and our children’s compliance to their part in the process.
Continue to do things together. Find things that are of interest to your children but which can be enjoyed together. I may do sports with my boys, but I also have regular “DDDs” with my girls (Daddy Daughter Dates).
Help them with the definitions. Since teenagers are seeking definitions, guide them in discovering them. Be careful not to tell them the answers you want to hear. The skillful parents knows that when they discover the answer, this ownership is not easily taken from them. Do not push them to accept your definitions. They will likely push back.

She Looks Like Me!

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“She looks like me!”

Maisha Day 7

This has to be one of the most blissful and extraordinary things that one can experience in life; I have just become a grandparent. Due to the glories of modern technology, we get new pictures every day of our little angel. And with each shot, comes the natural urge to compare. “She has her Aunt Lizzie’s chin”. “Her nose looks more Chinese.” “Her forehead comes from Grandma’s side of the family.” “She looks most like you, Grandpa.” Ah, now you’re talking!

There is something comforting, even energizing, in knowing that our children, or our grandchildren, take after us. When anyone gets within striking distances of me these days, I have the photos ready for viewing. I even want to tell strangers. Immediately a warm smile graces their faces as well. How can anyone resist the sweetness and innocence of a newborn?

As babies grow into toddlers, and toddlers become younger children, the fascination with lookalike features may die down, but the desire for likeness does not. We see in them a reflection of ourselves. We see characteristics and traits, or behaviors. We want to pass on our values, and our beliefs. In those times when we see our weaknesses and imperfections acted out in them, we are reminded of the grave responsibility we have to be an example, to live the life of one worth following.

As they continue to mature, our hopes and dreams for them take shape. Their personalities and interests surface. Character is formed. They interact with peers and have an ever-widening circle of social networks. In all these things we still look for ourselves in our children. Their achievements become our achievement, their successes, our success, their struggles, our struggle.

Finally, our children develop skills and pursue their studies and careers. As they move on, they move out. Though interaction and intersection are less frequent, we now hear from teachers, or friends, or future spouses, words that have gripped us from those cradle days: “You know she’s a lot like you.”

From those first days in a baby’s life and through the passage of time, I have discovered something; our playful musings about their noses, eyes, and chins as newborns are actually an expression of something wholesome and profound. Something of me has been stamped on the lives of my descendents. That is both a sobering and a thrilling thought…one which I hope will not lead to embarrassment, but to those same proud, grin-filled emotions I enjoy right now as I ponder how my granddaughter “looks like me.”

How Awesome Your Ways!

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“Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you have planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare.”  Ps 40:5

 

David wrote that he told of God’s salvation “all the day long” (PS 71:15). Too many to declare? Sounds like an obsession, or fixation, wouldn’t you say? I mean, didn’t he have something else to talk about?!

OK, let’s give him some room for literary license. He was probably being somewhat hyperbolic (overstating) here. And yet, many would be hard pressed to tell of all His mighty acts for even one solid minute, say nothing of one solid day. I say this to our shame, especially those of us who are called, and sent. I mean, that was the Old Testament, before Jesus came, before the Holy Spirit was poured out lavishly! We live in the day of the Last Things, when God is visiting His people around the globe in unprecedented ways. Surely this is something we can do!

One of the things that David did was set his heart to PRAISE God for His mighty deeds. The amazing things God had done were continually before him. Too many scriptures come to mind about this:

“I will bless the Lord at all times,

His praise shall continually be in my mouth…

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;

He delivers them out of all their troubles.”   PS 34:1,17

 

Much of Psalms 71 and 145 are devoted to this. And this is one of the real keys to being an effective witness for the Lord. I asked my ten year old son to take five minutes to write down a list of the mighty things God has done. He came back with a paper filled, and asked me if this was enough. Because David wrote down and sang of the awesome ways of God, he was reliving them over and over again, making them as real each day as they were on the day when they had occurred in his life, or the life of his friends, or in the life of his people.

Another thing he did was he TALKED about them among his friends, and family. One huge mistake we make as believers is we leave the talking to the professionals. We have redefined the word “preach” so only mean something that is done behind a pulpit. In this matter, Satan’s deception has proven most successful. What was meant to be the work of all has been deftly relegated to a few. To this I only need point to Acts 8:1-4, when persecution rose against the church following the stoning of Stephen. History clearly records that all were scattered from Jerusalem “except the apostles” (i.e. the “professionals”), and that those who fled “preached the word wherever they went”. Sounds doable. Beloved, they did not even have Bibles, much less had they taken a homiletics class. This one thing they could do, they did with power; they talked about the mighty things God had done for them.

He also MEDITATED “on your wonderful works” (PS 145:5). More than just singing the songs, or listening to or casually reading the stories, David made a point of pressing it to really consider the incredible things God had done:

“I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart;

I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.” PS 9:1 (ESV)

No wonder he found them too many to declare. He was downright intentional about this. He did it with his whole heart, and kept re-counting them over and over again. What had been so marvelously carved on his heart through meditation overflowed into his speech. What a great idea!

Beloved, Jesus commissioned you to proclaim His might acts. When we speak of the amazing things He has done and is doing, when we testify of His miracles, of His amazing intervention in our daily affairs, we are doing that which we have been called to do. Stir it up! You know what will happen? People around you will get jealous, and hungry. David said “none can compare” because when people hear about all the incredible things God has done, they are convicted to wonder what their god has done for them. At the right moment, you can even fan this conviction with a question. “So tell me, what has YOUR god done for you?” Their silence will be deafening.

Many missionaries, even whole organizations, have fallen prey to distraction, and forgotten that our duty above all else is to preach this gospel to all creation. Mission founded schools, hospitals, and social institutions which long stopped obeying the Lord in this matter dot the face of the earth like scarecrows in a field, and testify against the hollow works of people who began with good intentions. Satan’s crows sit on the hats of these lifeless creatures with corn in their claws cackling their pleasure at us over their triumph in these things. The Lord deserves better! He is awesome, and mighty are His acts towards us! The great stories of all He has done should be ringing from our rooftops and echoing in our streets. The best place to start is right around our dinner tables, as the Word teaches us:

“One generation shall praise Your works to another,

And shall declare Your mighty acts.”  PS 145:4

Let us fan this gift into flame, rekindling all our energies to proclaiming in whatever way we can, whenever we can, to whosoever will listen.

 

Balancing Act

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Balancing Act

I remember being in awe the first time I went to the Big Top, and saw that man suspended high on a wire, rocking back and forth, yet managing to navigate safely to other side of the tightrope. What skill! What courage! What balance!

No one wakes up with that kind of balance. It requires years of practice, mental and physical discipline, and a commitment to success. In reality, life is like that! Sadly, many never cross the high wire of the many roles we are called upon to play over a lifetime to the other side. Nor do we learn to “juggle” our commitments without dropping some of the “balls”.

Learning to balance in life also requires commitment, discipline, skill, and courage! Actualizing it may seem about as realistic as mastering the tightrope suspended way up there in the Big Top, but the reward is much more rich than the walker could ever know. More than a “wow” or a “whew”, the one who crosses this wire successfully doesn’t only make people happy for a moment. He leaves a stream people who are happy in life in his wake.

Of the many “balls” we are juggling, as we strive to achieve a healthy balance of work, friends, rest, etc. the one which we must not drop is our family. For this is the one ball we will be holding at the “end of the show”. So when it comes to our “performance” regarding the family, may it be said of each of us: What skill! What courage! What Balance!

24/7

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Children need to know that they always have access to their parents. There should never be a time when a child feels as though the door to his mom and dad is closed. On the contrary, when my son or my daughter knocks on our door, he or she should know that the sign reads “Open, 24/7”.

Unfortunately, many children knock on the door that has another sign hanging there. “Busy”. “Come back later”. “Take a number”. “On vacation”. What we as parents need to understand is that children don’t need to have a “reason”. Their problem or question doesn’t have to be earth shattering. It doesn’t have to be a crisis. In fact, it doesn’t have to be anything. Maybe all he or she needs is a hug, a smile, or a pat on the head. Maybe the question is not the point of coming at all, but a smoke screen of what’s really happening inside: a cry for affection, or affirmation. I find even my older kids will at times just come and sit on my lap—for nothing!

Of course there are also real problems or questions that are itching for an answer too. They start out simple and grow complex as our children grow. But each step along the way, they need to know they can come to us, anywhere, anytime. Otherwise, when children find that our door is closed, they will begin to knock elsewhere. Little girls may knock on the door of the first boy who shows an interest in them, and then the next, and the next. Little boys may knock on the door of the boy in the gang who is a little older, and cooler than they are. Before you know it, your daughter has formed an approach to life, and your son has become trapped in a web from which escape is costly.

Being a parent does not mean you have to know everything. But it does mean that you have to be available. It means your children need to know that your door is always open: “24/7”.

Gatekeepers

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“The two angels arrived at Sodom in the evening, and Lot
was sitting in the gateway of the city.” Genesis 19:1

You suppose Lot may have regretted the day he chose to part from Uncle Abe and “pitch his tents near Sodom” (v.13:12)? I’ll say! Yet even after Abram had risked his own life once to recover Lot, his family, and all his possessions after being taken captive, Lot still went back to Sodom! Now, years later, Lot was in a quandary. The sin of the city was so great, 2 Peter 2:8 says every day he was “tormented in his righteous soul”, just trying to cope. And so he sat in the gate of the city in this vexed state. For what? What was he thinking?

Before I get to this, let me refresh you on the facts of the story. For in reality, many have held God to unfair judgment, as though He willy nilly rained fire and brimstone down on a group of helpless people. In fact, the story is more about God’s mercy than it is about His judgment. Sodom was completely filled with evil. Not even ten decent people could be found in the city, and that included the members of Lot’s household! When one considers the extent of the depravity and depths of wickedness, it is a wonder that God stayed His hand as long as He did just for the sake of a few.

Details you ask? OK, how is this. Lot invited the two angels to be his house guests. When they were preparing to settle down for the night, “all the man from every part of the city of Sodom—both young and old—surrounded the house”. They insisted that Lot release his guests to them “so that we can have sex with them” (Gen 19:4,5). Ouch! Every male, young and old, completely bent on vile deeds, even to the point of raping any unsuspecting journeyer who happened to enter the gates of the city and not leave before nightfall.

So, back to Lot sitting at the gate. Daily, Lot had to withstand the onslaught of evil around him. I believe Lot was doing the following:

  • Lot was devising creative ways to shelter his family from Sodom’s poison, and consider how he could nurture them in godliness.
  • From the gate, his gaze was fixed outside the walls, yearning for a place free from perversion, a kingdom which would have no end, full of justice and truth.
  • He hoped against hope that someone would pass through these gates with whom he could have godly communication.
  • His conscience pricked him to warn and even rescue (provide a safe haven) travelers from the corruption and dangers lurking within.

Cities and nations don’t become Sodom and Gomorrah overnight. Paul describes one such slippery moral slope in Romans 1:18-23 which begins with men who “suppress the truth.” He says, “for although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God not gave them to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.” The slope continues down to the cesspool at the bottom, where God “abandons them to do whatever shameful things their hearts desire…they did vile and degrading things with each other’s bodies.”

The Sodoms of Biblical lore are no longer Sunday school material. Our own cities and streets are being “sodomized”. Whereas the day will come when we will be told to flee, until that day, God is looking for Gatekeepers in the same spirit as Lot. If you are being tormented in your righteous soul, there is a place for you at the gate. It’ s a place to ponder, and a place to plan. It’s a place to find hope for the future, as well as for today. It is a place of rescue, for there are yet those who are seeking refuge, who refuse to give in to the spirit of this age.  It is not a place to complain or fall into despair.  For Lot, the gate was a place of action, a place of service.

Now you know why Lot was sitting in the gateway of the city. I can imagine him singing this song as he waited:

“Lift up your heads, O you gates;
be lifted up, you ancient doors,
that the King of glory may come in.
Who is this King of glory?
The LORD strong and mighty,
the LORD mighty in battle.”
PS 24:7-8

Mining For Gold

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The definition of a prospector is an explorer whose sole purpose is to discover riches under the surface, usually gold. From 1849 to 1855, 300,000 people traveled to California from across America and a dozen foreign lands in search of wealth in what later was called “The Gold Rush”. Some struck it rich, but many only faced hardships, leaving debts, debauchery, and broken families in their wake.

A wise parent is like a seasoned prospector. But unlike the temporal and selfish pursuits of these gold diggers, his passion is to explore the riches that lie just beneath the surface of his children, waiting to be discovered. Unlike the tens of thousands who suffered greatly and lived with regrets during the great Rush, a parent will never be disappointed if he spends time mining for treasure in his sons and daughters. His investment of time, and sacrifices for a cause, will make discovering bullion seem trivial, even foolish. Even among the prospectors who made millions, many died miserable, disillusioned, or having squandered the wealth for which they had blindly left all else behind. But a father or mother who recognizes the immense potential in a child–who patiently, skillfully, prayerfully, extracts from them gifts, creativity, passions, and talent–is one who has chosen the right priority. They will live to see so much “wealth” created, they will wonder how anyone could have chosen a shiny piece of rock over the wonder and enchantment of a child who grows up secure and contented because he knew that in Mom and Dad’s eyes, he was so much more precious than gold.